I miss dreaming. I miss dreaming in my sleep. I don’t get much of that any more, even on days that I’ve gotten ample sleep. Well okay maybe I do once in a while but not often enough for me to remember.
I miss dreaming when I’m sitting in a coffee shop alone, sipping my coffee. I don’t get much of that anymore, even on days where I don’t resort to coffee as a mere stimulant to keep me going till the evening when I finally crash. Coffee used to be a drink of leisure, a beverage I enjoy with friends on a quiet afternoon over the sound of cafe conversations and heartfelt talks. I don’t remember when was the last time I had something like that anymore.
I miss dreaming when I’m sipping a cold beer in the quietness of my room, or the lounge, or at a decent bar where I can concentrate more on the conversations with my friend, rather than focusing my efforts to make myself heard over the crowd. I don’t get much of that anymore, even on days when I do get the opportunity to drink. Most of it has been squandered over fleeting moments of pong, or pre-gaming for parties - I don’t even go to parties anymore. And even when I do drink on my own (contrary to popular belief, I think drinking on my own, or with another close friend, is probably the best way to enjoy alcohol) I drink it just purely to unwind, or to escape my worldly problems for a little bit. I don’t need that much alcohol to escape. Just a little bit to send myself into that floaty, floaty space. You would think that one would be able to dream there, but no, these days whenever I find myself in that space, I just sit there, my soul too exhausted to move and content to wait till the sun rises the next day.
I miss dreaming about life, about my goals and ambitions. I don’t do much of that anymore, even on days when I feel I can be so much more than I am right now - and I get that feeling way too often. A few years ago, I dared to dream big and set huge ambitions for my future, what I want to achieve in the next couple of decades, the challenges I want to tackle and overcome, etc. But these days I am too saddled with the problems of today to afford myself the space to dream big. I lost the drive to dream, and eventually, I lost the will to dream too.
And this may sound strange, but I miss dreaming about people. People I care about. People that matter to me. This leads me to doubt whether I still care about people anymore, that perhaps I have come to a point where I just want to forget the world for a while and run somewhere far away to do my own thing, on my own, without any problems with people or obligations to meet. And perhaps in that space, that illusionary bubble, I can finally find the spirit to dream again, and perhaps in my dreams I can rediscover who I am, what I want to be, and find you, my friend whom I care deeply for, in there.
These allnighters are terrible for my body and soul.
I need to stop doing them.
But I can’t. My will is weak.
I’m so ill-disciplined. I hate this.
“Dear brothers and sisters, be patient as you wait for the Lord’s return. Consider the farmers who patiently wait for the rains in the fall and in the spring. They eagerly look for the valuable harvest to ripen.” (James 5:7, NLT)
God has put dreams and desires in every person’s heart. But most times, there’s a season of waiting involved. Maybe you’re waiting for a relationship to improve; waiting to get married; waiting for a promotion, or waiting to overcome an illness. Much of life is spent waiting. But there’s a right way to wait and a wrong way to wait. Too often, when things don’t happen on our timetable, we get down and discouraged or anxious and fretful. That’s because we’re not waiting the right way.
Notice that today’s verse doesn’t say if you wait; it says as you wait. The fact is that we’re all going to wait. It goes on to say that we should consider how the farmer waits — patiently and eagerly. We’re not supposed to sit around and be discouraged; we’re supposed to be hopeful, positive and full of expectancy!
Today, no matter what you are praying for, expect things to change in your favor. Today could be the day that God turns it all around. As you wait with patience and expectancy, you’ll open the door for God to move. He’ll fight your battles, and you’ll see that abundant harvest He’s promised in every area of your life.
A Prayer for Today
Father, today I choose to wait expectantly for You. I trust that You are working behind the scenes on my behalf. I put my trust and hope in You knowing that You have good things in store for my future in Jesus’ name. Amen.
YES! I heard this song from somewhere before, but now I finally know the title and the band. Lifehouse (Y)
Halfway Gone - Lifehouse <3
Halfway gone. I’m halfway gone, whoaaa.